Journal of a silent meditation retreat
For years, I have put on my to-do list: vipassana retreat.
Vipassana is an ancient meditation & mindfulness technique. Observe your thoughts and emotions without attachment, let them go and flow. It allows you to “see things as they are”. From the Sanskrit, VI means intense, while PASSANA means “seeing”. It’s not supposed to be attached to any religious practice even though it became wildly known thanks to the Buddha.
A Vipassana retreat involves 10 days of silent meditation …. About 10 hours a day of meditation. It feels like a mission impossible.
So I left it at the bottom of my to do list and my mind until it came back to the surface through people mentioning it to me and even from a book I purchased in France: Yoga from Emmanuel Carrere, which is in fact more about meditation than yoga per se. Well, at least not about yoga as we have come to see it in the West: another sport practice, which is not what it was originally intended for. As my favorite yoga teacher, Travis Elliott, says: “Yoga is just another word for unification”, unification of the body, mind and spirit.
It felt like the universe was sending me a reminder that it was still something I owe to do.
And I started looking for an alternative or a preparation to see how it feels. Let’s use the baby steps technique was my approach, and there it was, the perfect solution to my dilemma: a 3-days silent retreat, right here, in Hong Kong. Easy enough.
Surprisingly, I felt very excited at the idea of 3-days of silence without a book, without talking and without a phone. The latter was what I was mostly looking forward to as these days, my mobile phone feels more like a constant imposition on my peace of my mind rather than a useful tool. I was very surprised to hear that some people were crying when they had to give away their phones! Turns out that what I would miss the most was my kindle or a good old paper book.
Luckily, we were still allowed to write (even though normally it’s also not encouraged during a Vipassana retreat so that nothing comes as a distraction) and I thought that I would feel like writing a lot, which I also didn’t.
In the end, 3 days is not much and goes by very quickly, especially as we had a full agenda. I still enjoyed very much the “I have nothing else to do than chill”. Being a “doer”, I don’t often give space to simply be. I enjoyed the silence, the nature, the beauty around and the amazing plant-based meals.
What I found difficult was the “after dinner” time, when I knew I would be alone in my room with nothing but me to keep me company. It was more about, as is often the case, the anticipation of that moment of loneliness rather than the time itself that was scary. Once I found myself alone in my room, I created my little ritual of hot shower, body cream and then lying down and enjoying being in the dark and even welcoming the mosquito who seemed to come visit me at night. I was even about to give him a name like one of my pets. Maybe I would have, if the retreat had lasted longer!
I expected to go through a lot of “un-digested” events or emotions but nothing of the sort happened. I just enjoyed this bubble of peace surrounded by nature.
What I was dreading the most was opening my mobile phone again and see all the emails and messages that I always feel compel to reply to as fast as possible (23 years in Asia do that to you).
What I got as a takeaway is that I enjoy being alone with myself (and my cats, goes without saying) and it’s nothing to be scared of.
What I still don’t know though is if I’m ready for a 10-days silent meditation retreat, but I know I will do short ones again from time to time, as a break from the crazy pace of modern life. I also know that I will be doing my daily mediation practice because the positive impacts of mediation are only seen through regular practice. It’s a little like going for a 10-day detox once a year and eating crap food the rest of the time; ideally, we shouldn’t need to go to a meditation retreat if we manage to have it as a tool for peace and happiness in our daily life. Maybe that should be my answer to : To Vipassana or no to Vipassana.
